i’ve been pretty useful these days with a couple of girlfriends unloading their male frustrations. it’s the same problem that every relationship faces at a certain point or on a regular basis for some v unfortunate ones.
when he doesn’t call at all.
my own experience tells me that when men want to distant themselves, they can do a real mean job out of it. pretty amazing business, i mean. it’s not about them being workaholics but surely there’s a daily part of them which will miss a hug, or that familiar concerned voice. And this is perhaps where i’m puzzled.
when they say a lack of communication is always the factor that breaks a relationship, it’s really more of the men’s fault. when women probe, they clam up. when we try to discuss, they get irritated. then we get anxious and try to sort things thru but they shrug us off, leading it to an ill feeling of disdain. and this is where, be it in drama or real life, that anor ‘nice-understanding-girl’ comes along and they decide starting anew is always better than trying to repair a spoilt relationship.
i hate the men my friends date. i’ve got good male chums. but since the bad episode, i’ve always held myself back a bit. i hate it that men always have options and i hate it especially when they think girls are needy of them.
nowadays i find myself giving the same advice older women have given me. men cannot be trusted. men must be left alone. and women, must have a life on their own. these messages always fell on my patronising ears but i’ve learnt to realise how true these are. i was watching my drama last night and it came to the part where the guy intentionally avoids the girl and the girl decides to go on a hunt for him. days later, she finds him and gets a big lashing from him. despaired, she cries hard and plunges into a grieving phase where she vents her frustrations on video games. then comes the wise man who sits next to her and asks her about her love. and she tells him all about them, their story and finally, telling him how badly she wants to shout out to the world that she loves him.
it was a moving moment for me. aching in fact. it felt good to love a person, even if it had to be a man. and even despite having been betrayed by them, it still had to be a heartless, inconsiderate fool of a man.while men have a thousand and one medical and scientific theses about how they are often misunderstood by women to assert their ‘innocence’, i think there’s really not much differences in how the emotional states of both men and women are made. (and i’m not talking about women who are players, but good women, like those whose biggest ambition is to fulfill their primitive roles as a wife and mother.) all women want, is just your consideration towards our feelings, your patience to hear us out, and you to stick to your initial promise to not let us down. but even if you have to do the latter, please, do it humanely and amicably instead of chucking us out as if we’re diseased.
and if you must know, yes we know you’re blockheads and philanders by nature and sometimes need your time out. but kindly notify ahead of time and assure us it’s not because you’re sick of us and call as soon as you can.
having said so, (and i’m talking to the good men out there. men whose ambition is to carve out a good career for himself and provide well for his family,) every good man should trust that most women enter relationships for self-less reasons and not just for the shallow sake of love or sex. at least i do. yes, i do.
so what happens when he doesn’t call at all? the generally-agreeable answer is to leave him. he’s a jerk, he has commitment-phobia. but. but if this is a love that aches so bad in you that even in the worst of events, you can still tell your story to a stranger with that twinkle in your eye, and in your heart, feel the immense ache to shout out loud to the world that you love that jerk even if he’s treating you like dirt, then, my sister, go for it. wait for him. give him that time off and pray that he returns. and if he’s still amiss, hunt him down. hunt him down even if u have to cross oceans or wait for days outside his home. then serenade to him, and keep telling him how much you love him. and until he’s completely disgusted, put-off, and looks at you as how he would look at a mouldy pie; and you, you are now finally exhausted and feeling pathetic enough, then bravely pick up your emotions and make your way home for a big final cry. but remember, it’s not the end of the world. there will always be a better man out there more deserving of you.
a love that aches to shout out loud. how divine yet tragically mocked and despised by men. it’s a sad story. this love.
