i’m sitting at a most lovely book cafe in the heart of Beijing. having a (huge) plate of french fries, coke (with lime and lots of ice) and two novels from the shelves to read. everyone around me is quietly huddled up with their laptop, a cuppa and desserts. i love it here. it’s almost like utopia.
joa and i had had rough arguments the past nights. and although each time i put up a tough front and act pissed, deep inside i’m terrified that he might call it quits. we’d hurl insults at each other and then storm off/clam up, and an hour later, one of us will nudge the other and apologise. it’s most comforting to receive his message that says he loves me and want to “meet my expectations”. but i’ve been bitterly harsh too. so i’m guilty.
so this afternoon, we yelled at each other on streets. i was furious that he appeared indifferent about how i’d cope while he’s off to shanghai for two weeks. while i thought fit that he’d at least be apologetic and sweet about it – like saying nice things and comforting me. which he didn’t and which i thought wasn’t my place to voice because sdn’t it come from own initiative?
but all’s ok for now. maybe it is at this early stage of every relationships where there’s still enough romance to belittle arguments. i’m fretting about how we’d cope when we’re steadily on the track and when we’re too sick of each other to compromise and understand.
i believe we’re both stressed in our own ways. he’s frustrated with work and i’m anxious about getting a new job. and this leads to some updates.
i’ve received two offers and expecting another to come. out of desperation and curiosity, i applied for sales positions and frankly, i’m not certain about it. but sales is good becos i know i can excel at it if given a product that i believe in.
i’m off to get Jay Chou’s latest CD album and some makeup – basically a concealer for my eyebags. and yes, Jay’s new Qing Hua Ci is so my kind of music! Rocks man! i think everyone shd get it!
oh, and thank u pancakes for ur ever-comforting chat. i know u’re being nice but i love it that u’re always there to listen.
